I am a 30 year old black female. Living in Fredericksburg, VA. Life for me right now is okay but could be better. I joined a lesbian group about a week ago for support and was advice to blog about my life and things going on in it. Along with other in our group and and we each could comment on each others blogs and give each other advice.
At age 5 I knew that there was something about me, that wasn't the same as my sisters. I would find my self thinking about woman/girls that I went to school with and teachers. Are mothers of friends I had. Many times I went home with a letter from my teacher telling my mother and father that I would continue to look under her dress in class. To the point to where she had to wear shorts under her dresses.
As I got older I found my self falling for my middle school teacher Ms. Jones. I can say that I was in love with this woman for all of three years before she knew. We started a relationship when I was in the 9th grade. I was so happy back then. It was like I was walking on cloud nine. For most of our relationship things were great. Then after the four year something just changed, I found out that the whole four years she was still sleeping with her hubby. They were separated but at times he would come over, then I would leave and he had no ideal that she and I were sleeping together.
Well one day I came over he was there so I waited an hour for him to leave and after he did so I went and knock on door. She opened the door she had this look on her face like she had been caught doing something bad. At the time I felt like something had happen but I wasn't for sure. At that time I went in to kiss her there is a smell of men's cologne. I as her why she smell like him and she said he hug me on the way out, I said okay it was a simple hug no harm. About an hour later she was laying on the bed with just her shirt on and I wanted her. I moved in closer then started to touch her she stop me then said I haven't showered yet today and I would like to before we do anything.
As she got up to go to the bathroom at sent came from her the smell of sex. I stop her and I asked her did you sleep with him? She said no I asked her again and told her to tell me the truth if she loved me at all. We went to sit on the bed an she said Dee yes I did sleep with him. It was like my heart was rip out over an over again out of my chest. I asked her if she loved me at all and she said yes that she had only done it because she wanted to house and that was the only way he would sign over the papers. I asked her so how many time has it been, and she said we never stop. This person that had cheated on her over and over again with god knows how many woman. She trusted with her life to sleep with him over an over again an then lie to me and let me put my health and heart on the line just so she could get what she wanted.
I felt so sick I think I must have throw up at least 8 times that day. This was the start of the war of dating. I know you are saying I hope she left that woman but I didn't. I cared so much an she told me just what I wanted to hear that she would stop and start the paper work to end the marriage that she didn't want. That made me feel some what better but I still wasn't sure about her and as much as I wanted to take her word for things I just wasn't sure that I could trust that she would have my best interest at heart. I later found out that I was right.
In 1998 we parted ways. I forgave her and we were able to keep a friendship going. Month are so after we parted in Aug was her birthday I had already had items that I had gotten and I wasn't going to take them back so I went over to give them to her. Mind you at the start she knew how old I was and she told me that she was 35 years old and I took her word for it because she didn't look a day over 30 to me. Well here I am thinking it her 40th birthday and I went all out for her. While she was getting ready to take a shower so that we could go out and have so dinner and maybe a movie. I saw her DL laying on the dresser and I took a look at it. Her year of birth was 1950 this woman was 48 not 35 and I was like she can't be damn she look good for her age.
I had this birthday card that had 40th and a cake that had 40th and this shit was crazy. when she got out I asked her about it and she gave me this lame as excuse. When you asked me how old I was and I asked you how old did I look and you said 30 the 35 and so that what I went with since that how old you thought I was. Well we went ahead to dinner that night and after that we started spending less and less time together.
I put my all into my work and for the next year and a half things were good I was dating but not seeing anyone special. Then I met Garian she worked with me and we had the best friendship ever. She lived with her boyfriend at the time and I fell for her. Then after talking to her she told that her boyfriend was hitting her. She was come over everyday after work and she meet my mother and knew all of my family. At the time I was 18 years old I was still living at home. It was me my mother and her man. One night I got a call from Garian at 3 am she said can you come and meet me at 7-11 which was right down the street from when we lived. Jump up and went to her, she told that her man had hit her and the face because he had been drinking and had his boys over and wanted her to have a gang bang with all of them and she said no and he hit her. She went to the bedroom and jump out the window so that he wouldn't see her leave.
More to come I have to take a break.
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